Ok, so I’m going to make an assumption that you’ve read my other posts and I’m going to cut to the chase tonight. I am officially the other woman. It’s sobering to have to put that in black and white, it’s not a position I would have ever considered myself to be in.
I’ve tried to end it, yes, I really did. There were tears and sobbing and all that doughy stuff. Somehow, three weeks later we bumped in to each other at a football game, how does that happen? 40,000 people and we’re sat not two rows from each other?! We started talking again. He made me feel like it was just him and I; the other 39,998 people faded in to the background. We have seen each other most weeks since then, sometimes just for an afternoon, other times, two days in a row.
I must explain that I love my space; I like to make my own decisions and I am certainly not ready to share a home again so once a week is plenty for me!
The question is, and I implore you to comment and share your view, ‘am I doing anything wrong?’
Sure, he lives in a different home to his ex wife. But does the fact that they occasionally fall back in to bed constitute a relationship?
Continuing on from my previous post, I was just a little bit excited about meeting someone that for the first time in years excites me. Ok, ok,.. So I was a lot excited! I knew he was married and also had children from a previous marriage, as do I. I knew he had a sense of humour and liked to socialise. I knew he lived with his eldest daughter after separating from his wife the year before.
We would meet for dinner and drinks and talk for hours on end like old friends. We made each other laugh and intimacy came easy. We shared secrets with ease with no judgement. He allowed me to have my space, he didn’t call and text me all the time and didn’t get upset if I took all day to respond to a message. He was like nobody I had ever met before!
Who was this man? Where had he been all my adult life?!
My experiences of single men over the last few years has been somewhat tarnished, they all seemed to have a need for constant reassurance to maintain their perfectly preened ego which I found to be exhausting. I like my men to be men,… Quietly confident but not cocky, quick witted but not at the expense of others, intelligent but not condescending… The list goes on but in short, independent and sure of who they are with a soft sensuous side reserved for those close to them. This man I had met seemed to be all that I was yearning for.
I can be a little emotionally reserved, ok, I’ll admit it, down right emotionally void at times. It’s a self defense thing that I’ve done since I can remember to protect myself from having my life and feelings turned upside down by someone I love and trust. Well that defense mechanism didn’t kick in, I was in love; hook, line and sinker! Finally, someone who ‘gets’ me… Oh he got me alright!
Some six months after meeting we were having a wonderful dinner of scallops and fabulous pork belly when the he dropped in to casual conversation that he still occasionally sleeps with his ex wife. Excuse me?! Say again?! Did I hear that right?! Whilst trying to refrain from choking on my dinner and simultaneously breaking in to an eostrogen fueled rage I some how managed to maintain my composure and asked in a very typically polite British way ‘I am sorry, I think I just misheard you; did you just say you still sleep with your ex wife?’
Of course I knew the answer already, I wasn’t really listening when he repeated his statement. I had already drifted off in to an internal world of self loathing, how could I be so naive?! Why didn’t I see this coming?! Why was I still sitting there insistent on not being rude and abruptly leaving?! Somehow I managed to maintain my composure for a further 1/2 hour or so before scooping my phone out of my bag and declaring a family emergency that needed my immediate attention. I don’t think he bought my excuse at all, I could see the way he was looking at me, a little bit of pity behind those concerned and loving eyes but I left regardless.
Most women would be screaming ‘get out!’, ‘let him go!’, ‘never see him again!’; they would be the smart ones.
The thought of never talking to him again was heartbreaking. I could still talk to him if I didn’t see him right? Would that be ok? Could I come out of this with a friend? Could I call him a friend? Should I call him a friend? Really, idealistically, there is only one answer to all of those questions… It’s a short answer, one of the first words we all learn but somehow forget how to use appropriately… NO!
More tomorrow 🙂 xx
Ah yes, the good old ‘other woman’, home wrecker, gold digger, shallow… But really? I’ve just had an epiphany, it’s taken 10 months but it’s finally shone it’s light bright enough for me to see. I’ll start at the beginning so that you can experience my journey of hurt, joy and confusion.
I met a man whilst I was out celebrating a friends’ birthday; he didn’t hit on me or anything like that, my friend got us talking by unusual means to say the least (she smacked him on the backside and left me there slack jawed and dumbfounded to explain) however it turned out that we got on very well. We talked for hours, he was a proper gentleman. I was introduced to his friends and I was included in their evening fully. I had a wonderful evening and left by reciting my number to him as I got in a taxi to go home. I didn’t think much of it at the time, I mean, who remembers a 10 digit phone number that is called out once and not slowly?! Well he did! He called me the next evening… And that’s where it started.
We talked about what a wonderful evening we had experienced, how much we had laughed and how easy it all seemed to come together. We must have been talking for close to 45mins when he told me that he was still married. Now also being technically married myself (separated for 2+ years though) I continued to listen.. Yes, there was a lot if trepidation on my part; he was married after all! It turned out that he had separated from his wife and was living on his own with a shared arrangement for care of his children.
Ok, so, handsome, funny, polite and in somewhat similar situation to myself, all done with marriage bar the paperwork right?!